At some point we have all been taught to be active listeners.
Usually the concept is first formally introduced and practiced in primary
school. Teachers set expectations for active listening based on the
conventional wisdom that active listening is about the indicators of feedback.
So- she teaches her students to make eye contact and track the speaker- take
notes- raise your hand and ask questions and make comments.
As we get older
this process continues and we begin to practice active listening, sometimes
with argument and debate informally. We expect our leaders to practice it- with
even highly televised and structured environments- such as the Presidential
debates. Active listening and feedback is embedded in our culture and a lever
of our democracy.
Still, there is
something missing from the list of indicators. Perhaps something more subtle,
but an indicator that excites most of us more than eye contact, questioning,
writing, debate or argument.
When active
listening leads to learning and sharing of information- we are most thrilled!
This becomes apparent
to me when I reflect on the many conversations I have with parents. We will
talk about a variety of things, but at some point I will ask if they feel their
child is receiving an excellent education.
When a parent says
yes, I will ask how they know- or they will simply offer the examples.
Typically, among the top examples, mom or dad will say, I know this because my
son or daughter came home and told me that I can figure out how to find the sum
of a number using this short cut, or my child asked me if I knew that I can save about 1.5 pounds of
carbon emissions from being released into the atmosphere by walking two miles a
day instead of driving. And when mom or dad asks their son or daughter how they
knew that. he or she will say, my teacher told me.
It is this
indicator of active listening- the kernels of information we take away and
share with others- that makes us satisfied, validated, and even excited.
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